Turning Back the Clock
by Lady Henrietta
Summary: Ten years after Voyager's return, Admiral Janeway's longing for an old friend and guilt over things not said drives her to venture into Voyager's past in hopes of changing the future.


Disclaimer: All Star Trek stuff and Star Trek characters are the private property of Paramount studios. This story also mentions "Irresistible You" by Glen Miller.

Turning Back the Clock

Admiral Kathryn Janeway stared listlessly out of the window from her apartment in San Francisco and sighed. The rain poured down as she left for Starfleet Academy. She progressed through her day as she usually did, teaching quantum mechanics, calculus, and public speaking, in her usual unexcited manner. Lately the days seemed to drag on more than ever. It had been ten years since Voyage returned from the Delta Quadrant and every day since had been shear monotony.

But this afternoon was different. As Janeway was packing up her supplies at the end of the day, Commander Reginald Barclay popped in. "Uh, Ma'am, I mean Admiral, there's something I want you to take a look at, if you have time, that is," he stammered. She looked up, almost interested for the first time in years.

They walked down the corridor to one of the laboratories. When they entered her eyes fell upon a console and transporter pad. "I- I've been experimenting with a temporal transporter, and I think I've finally figured it out. All I needed to do was modify the console," Barclay explained as he showed Janeway the plans.

"I like this idea, but why would we use it?" Janeway inquired.

Barclay looked surprised. "Why, to save lives of course. A person could beam him or herself back in time long enough to tell a ship not to go in a particular direction or not to say something to a particular race," he paused and reached over for a small suitcase. He opened it and removed a small device resembling a watch.

"The person traveling would have to use this though. After configuring the star date on the console, a person would be beamed onto a transporter pad in the past. This device functions as... as a recall for the traveler. Before transporting, the dial here is moved all the way around. That gives the person thirty hours to change things before he or she is transported back here. It also emits a blue light as a ten minute warning before the user is recalled," he elaborated.

Janeway left that day feeling more alive than she had in a while. After reaching her apartment she began grading a few papers at her desk with renewed vigor as she began to think of the possibilities of temporal transportation. Then her eyes fell upon the framed picture that sat on her desk. Her former first officer, Commander Chakotay, smiled back from the picture.

"Oh, how I miss you, my dear friend," Janeway whispered. A year after returning to Earth, Chakotay had been killed in a chemical accident. Though he had been seeing Seven of Nine at the time, Janeway still took his death quite badly.

He had been her council, her good sense. Guilt about not telling him of her true feelings had gnawed at her for years. She had missed him so much that she imagined he was with her when she had a problem. At that moment, as she continued to stare at the picture, she thought she could almost hear him.

"I know what you're planning. Do you really think its wise?" she imagined him asking her.

"I can't stand living like this. I have a chance to change it," she paused. "That's it, I'm going back," Janeway said with resolve.

Her old uniform still fit her well as she dressed in preparation for her plan. She had keys to most of Starfleet Academy, but she still had to look and act inconspicuous, staying close to the shadows and moving quietly. It was in the dark of night that she quietly found her way into the laboratory. She knew the exact time and date she wanted, the day when Chakotay asked her to dinner and she had refused during their seventh year in the Delta Quadrant.

Along with the device Barclay had mentioned, Janeway had also brought a tranquilizing spray in the possible scenario that she ran into someone that was not supposed to find her. In the laboratory her eyes landed on another device that could be worn on the wrist. Since the Romulans had become allies of the Federation, they had shared some of their cloaking technology. This particular device allowed whoever was wearing it to be cloaked.

On a table she noticed a cosmetic enhancer, something she could use to take ten years off her age. Thinking it might be useful, she picked that up too.

At the last moment she grabbed another new device, both pieces of this one resembling a cortical stimulator, but actually this device could act as a way to transfer memories from one person to another. "I have a funny feeling I might need this," Janeway reasoned, adding it to her inventory.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Kathryn, you have a life here, do you realize what you could be giving up? You could get court-martialed," she imagined Chakotay telling her.

"I know what I'm doing. I don't care about being court-martialed anymore. The day you died, I died too, at least most of me did. I have to go back to try to change the future," she argued aloud.

After configuring the transporter with the correct star date and place, she set it to begin transportation and stepped on, also remembering to set the recall device. Shortly before she beamed elsewhere, Barclay ran into the room. He had apparently been in another laboratory working on something late that night.

"Admiral, you can't do that. It hasn't been tested yet," was all she heard before she disappeared in a blue shimmer.

She felt as though she were bounced from place to place like a ping pong ball before Voyager's transporter room came into view. Everything seemed fine for a moment, but when she began to move the room spun around so quickly that she came face to face with the hard floor. She rolled over onto her back and sighed.

"There are definitely a few bugs to work out still. I just hope the return trip isn't that bad," she said to herself.

As she got to her feet she noticed, much to her relief, that she was the only one in the room. She initiated the cloaking device which cloaked not only her but also her case and she headed down the hall to the turbolift. Eventually she reached her quarters.

She heard the familiar rush of the doors as they opened and smiled. Feeling that she had come home, she sighed with contentment. She reached the bathroom and used the cosmetic enhancer to allow her to look like her younger self, first having to turn off the cloaking device so she could see herself in the mirror. Suddenly she grabbed the sink as a wave of nostalgia hit her. Janeway fought back tears as she realized she was really standing in her old bathroom; she really had traveled back in time. Once she had composed herself, she new what she had to do. She sat down at her computer and sent messages to both Ensign Harry Kim and Seven of Nine, that they should meet in the holodeck for dinner.

Cloaked, she left her quarters just in time to see the younger Janeway walking with Chakotay. "I asked you earlier but you were busy. Kathryn, would you mind having dinner with me tonight?" he asked her.

"I don't know. Give me a moment to think about it, alright? I just need to get something and I'll meet you on the bridge," younger Janeway replied. Chakotay nodded and walked on as Janeway entered her quarters.

The cloaked admiral followed the captain. Admiral Janeway walked up behind her as she entered and used the Vulcan nerve pinch on Captain Janeway.

"Thank you, Tuvok," Janeway said as her younger self hit the floor. She took the tranquilizing device out of her case and injected the captain with it.

"Sorry Kathryn, but I can't trust you not to mess up this evening." she said.

Wearing her uniform, Admiral Janeway left her quarters with her cloaking device turned off and entered the turbolift, heading toward the bridge. She stepped off and simply stood for a moment, savoring the feeling of returning home. They were all there, Harry Kim, Tom Paris, Tuvok, and of course Chakotay. She strolled onto the bridge and took her seat. It felt so comfortable to sit there again.

_It feels so good to be back on my bridge_, the admiral thought. She had almost forgotten that it had been ten years when she thought she heard that all too familiar voice.

"But it's not really your bridge, is it? It's _her_ bridge," the voice of her old friend chided.

She tried to ignore it and stared out of the viewscreen at the stars. "Captain?" she almost did not respond because she was unsure whether or not the man sitting next to her had actually said something.

"Captain, are you alright?" Chakotay asked again.

This time she turned her full attention to him. "I, yes I'm sorry. I was daydreaming," she admitted with a half-smile.

"You looked pensive," was all he said. But for a moment, she saw his concerned gaze. Then she remembered what she had wanted him to know.

"I'll be coming to dinner," she remarked.

Chakotay actually looked surprised, but then he smiled. He looked at the viewscreen as he added, "It'll be formal this time."

Admiral Janeway returned to her quarters later, knowing the dinner date would occur in one hour. She reached her closet and quickly moved several uniforms aside for a well-hidden black dress. She had just retrieved the dress when she remembered Captain Janeway.

The admiral dressed in the elegant black dress and dragged the captain onto the couch. Then she left for Chakotay's quarters. She forced herself to keep her emotions in check as she walked, knowing that though she missed him terribly, things would look suspicious if she acted too differently from her younger self. She took a deep breath as she rang the door.

The voice returned as she stood in front of the door. "What are you doing?"

"What I should have done ten years ago," she answered. But the voice left her alone when the door opened.

"Come in. I've almost finished setting the table," Chakotay answered.

Admiral Janeway entered and found the standard Starfleet table fitted with a lily-white table cloth. Two tall candles burned and she stopped herself from asking him if he had turned off the smoke detectors. She glanced at the meal before her, which made her mouth water. Part of it was because she had not eaten since breakfast. And part of it was the food itself: roast chicken with wild rice and vegetables, a dinner she knew Chakotay had cooked himself.

"You look nice," Chakotay complimented as he pulled out a chair for her, drawing her out of her reverie.

She smiled at him and nearly held her breath as the realization settled in that she was really looking at him. He wore a tuxedo. "Thank you. You look good tonight," she told him.

They began their meal in comfortable silence. Janeway was content just to be with him once again. Part of her began to forget that anything had ever changed. As dinner itself came to a close, Chakotay requested a selection of music from the computer, some classical music and a few soft rock songs. He stood and extended his hand to her.

"Kathryn, would you mind if we danced?" he asked politely. She smiled broadly and almost jumped up.

"I would like that," she replied.

After dancing a while, she found herself dancing with her head resting on his shoulder. It was really him tonight, she kept reminding herself. After all these years she had come back to him and he did care about her. As the music ceased, she looked up at him and could no longer keep herself in check. She had come so far because she missed him so drastically and she was finally there with him again, in his arms. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

It was a deep, passionate, lingering kiss, and it surprised both of them. That perplexed look on his face soon dissolved into a warm smile though, much to her relief. "Kathryn," was all he said.

Janeway looked into his eyes. "I've been a regular fool these past seven years. I kept turning you away; I kept running away. And for what? I'm sorry for... for not responding to you how I should have been," Janeway tried to explain. Her gaze drifted away for a moment.

Chakotay slid a finger under her chin and gave her a gentle lingering kiss. He met her eyes. "You have acted how you thought was necessary and I have respected your desire to get our crew home. There's noting to apologize for," he said smiling.

Realizing that the music had stopped, they backed away from each other slightly. Janeway faced him. "I want to thank you for a lovely evening," she paused, looking into his eyes again. "Goodnight, Chakotay," she said almost reluctantly.

Chakotay did not notice how she spoke, only noticed that she had thanked him and was saying goodnight. He walked up to her and took her hand. "You are most welcome, and I meant to tell you that tonight you look beautiful. Good night, Kathryn," he conveyed as he kissed her hand. Then his lips met hers again, as if calling her to stay longer. She wanted desperately to remain, but knew it was imperative for her to leave. She then left and dashed back to her quarters.

The admiral sank down against the closed doors. "That was wonderful, but way too close," she breathed.

She walked over to her still unconscious younger self and switched clothes with her, planning to awaken her soon. The admiral next used the memory transference device to pass the events of the evening on to her younger self. She had finished the transfer and was placing the device in the case when her younger self began to stir. She quickly grabbed the cloaking device and stood in a corner of the room. Captain Janeway stretched and looked down at her dress.

"I must have been tired after dinner," she said aloud. As she stood to head toward the bedroom, the door chimed. "Come in," she said.

Chakotay entered and she turned to face him. "I'm sorry if I'm interfering with your sleep, Kathryn," he said, looking slightly sheepish as he watched her rub her eyes.

She shook her head and smiled. "Don't worry."

He stepped closer to her. "I just wanted to know if you would be interested in having dinner tomorrow night on the holodeck?"

Captain Janeway smiled. "I think I would be. Same time as tonight?" she inquired. He nodded and moved toward the door. She stopped him and kissed him on the cheek before he left.

When Captain Janeway went to bed, Admiral Janeway kept the cloaking device on and slept on the couch. When she awoke the next morning she had to stop herself from calling security when she could not see her own reflection.

"Easy, Kathryn. You're cloaked," she sighed as she made her way over to the replicator. She asked for black coffee as usual, not caring whether or not the other Janeway would wonder about a few extra rations having mysteriously disappeared. She had just finished the coffee and had placed the cup back into the replicator when the other Janeway left the bedroom and headed for the door.

Admiral Janeway considered staying in her old quarters. It would have been the best and safest idea, but then again this whole time traveling idea was one big risk. Therefore she felt it was her duty to roam the ship for the day, remembering how things used to be.

That idea would have worked were it not for the cloaking device. As Admiral Janeway walked down the hall at a leisurely pace, Ensign Wildman passed by.

"Good morning, Captain," she said in her cheerful voice.

The admiral smiled. "Good morning, Ensign," she relayed.

Then the event began to register. "Oh rats! People can see me!" she gasped.

She quickly ducked behind a bulkhead and attempted to examine the cloaking device. The crystal substance that powered it had run out. She sighed remembering how she had slept with it on. Her only choice was to head to Engineering.

She did not encounter anyone else in the turbolift and sighed with relief when she reached her destination because everyone was too busy to notice her. After scanning the remains of the crystal, she realized it was trilithium mixed with a few other metals, a substance she could easily duplicate using a few tools in Engineering. She quickly obtained what she needed and had created another crystal when Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres found her. She quickly hid the device and crystal behind her back.

"Hello Captain, what brings you to Engineering?" Torres inquired.

"I just wanted to see how things were going," Admiral Janeway replied.

"As you can see, everything is functioning smoothly and the engine modifications I suggested are almost complete," Torres pointed out.

The admiral nodded and added, "Thank you, Lieutenant."

Once Torres walked away, Janeway ducked into the nearest Jeffries tube to finish her own modifications. Just as she had closed the door behind her, she heard the younger Janeway enter Engineering. "This just isn't my day," the admiral whispered.

Captain Janeway approached Torres. "B'Elanna, are the engine modifications complete?" she asked in her usual businesslike fashion.

Torres raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Captain, you were just down here and I already told you that they were almost complete," she explained.

The captain stared at Torres as if she were out of her mind. "I wasn't down here. I was walking through the hall with Chakotay," she argued.

Torres shook her head. "No Captain, I think you are mistaken. You said you came here to see how things were going," Torres said, defending her position.

"I know where I was and it wasn't here," she began to sound mildly irritated. "Are you suggesting that there might be two of me? There's one quick way to solve this: Computer, locate Kathryn Janeway," the captain requested.

"Unable to comply," the computer responded.

"Must be some new error. Locate B'Elanna Torres," the captain attempted.

"B'Elanna Torres is in Engineering."

The captain sighed and turned to Torres. "I don't know what's going on, but please fix that. And if you see me again and I'm not really there, you might want to consider an early maternity leave," Captain Janeway added lightly. Torres sighed and nodded as the captain left Engineering.

In the Jeffries tube, Admiral Janeway finally reinitialized the cloaking device. Now that it was functioning, she slipped out of the tube and took the turbolift to the bridge. She smiled broadly as she stepped out onto the bridge, a place more welcome to her than her quarters.

The bridge was where she had conducted some of the most important business of her life and it could be one of the most exciting places on the ship. It was also where she belonged. As she stared at the view screen she allowed her thoughts to venture back to her job at Starfleet Academy. She did not care much for the job at all. She really wanted to command a ship again, to dominate a bridge again, to hold meetings and talk to her crew again. She had not realized until that moment how much she missed being a captain.

And there she stood until Captain Janeway left. She followed her into the turbolift and back to her quarters. After a moment Chakotay's voice came through on the communications network.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Janeway here."

"Kathryn, I just wanted to tell you that tonight's dinner on the holodeck is set in the forties. Costumes will be provided."

Captain Janeway smiled. "Thank you, Chakotay, Janeway out."

"Alright, Chakotay out," he finished.

That evening the admiral decided to follow the captain to the holodeck. Captain Janeway finally met Chakotay in a 1940's café, both dressed in authentic clothing, she in a sleek red dress and he in an army uniform. They talked as they ate.

"Chakotay," the captain began as she rested her left hand on the table, "was last night real or just a dream?"

He took her hand and held if for a moment. "Last night's dinner engagement was very real," he assured her.

"There's something I did not finish telling you. I care about you more than I can put words to. If only-" Chakotay stopped her.

"There are too many 'if only's' in life. I don't want to talk about if only's right now," he paused as music by Glen Miller began. "May I have this dance?"

Admiral Janeway watched the scene from a nearby table with anticipation, hoping her younger counterpart would not undo what the admiral had set into play the night before. To her relief, the captain accepted the invitation and the two began dancing to "Irresistible You." But as Captain Janeway rested her head on Chakotay's shoulder, the admiral began to scowl at her. Embarrassed, she stopped herself.

"Good grief, I'm jealous of myself," she chided in a whisper.

After a few songs, the captain and the commander resumed their conversation. "I love you, Kathryn. You've known that for a long time. I've been waiting for you," he explained, tilting her chin closer to his.

"I know. I love you, Chakotay. I don't know when we will reach Earth or what will happen, by I don't want to be separated from you," she admitted.

"I will always be by your side. There isn't any place I'd rather be," Chakotay reassured her. They kissed passionately.

Just as Admiral Janeway was thinking she could watch the entire evening, the recall device she wore gave off a blue glow. She slipped out of the holodeck and dashed back to her quarters just in time to grab the case when the blue shimmer engulfed her.

This time she did not feel as rubbery when she appeared on the transporter pad. To her relief, she was alone. Janeway left the case on a table and turned off the cloaking device. The last thing to remove and turn off was the recall device. But as she set that aside she blinked and found herself back in her apartment in San Francisco.

But it was not her apartment: it was bigger. She grabbed a table, almost dizzy from the wealth of memories that began to assail her. She remembered extra years of being a starship captain, of still commanding a ship as an admiral. She also remembered Seven and Harry's wedding when she noticed their picture on the wall along with pictures of her other former crewmembers. Then a picture on the desk caught her eye: Chakotay stood with his arms around her. Both were smiling, she in a wedding dress and he in a tuxedo. She smiled remembering the wedding.

There was also a small model of a Sovereign Class ship. "The

Red Falcon," she whispered aloud as new memories, of that ship being under her command currently, drifted in.

In another picture she noticed a boy with auburn-blonde hair and a girl with dark hair. "Harry and Samantha," she said with a smile as she remembered her nine-year-old son and five-year-old daughter. She turned to see Chakotay enter the room. He took her in his arms.

"I see you found your purse, now come on or we'll be late for Naomi Wildman's wedding," he told her.

Most of her life before had faded, except her intense longing for him. She looked up and kissed him deeply. He smiled back warmly. "You haven't done that in a while."

"I'll be sure to remedy that," she replied. Then they entered the car and left for the wedding.

End.


End file.
